was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
