2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
