I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
