Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
