My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
