Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
