I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
