feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
