that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
