whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
