There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
