Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he shaved USA in his pubs
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
