I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
handjob tips. give me some.
She's the barista slut.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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