Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Another day, another engagement, another cat
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My penis needs a shock collar
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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