one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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