Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
