Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
