I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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