i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have tasted many bathrooms
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
