I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
