i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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