Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
