I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
