your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
