Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
