all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
