she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
