they need to just BURY HIM!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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