He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
