She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
