I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I believe in your delicious
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
