he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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