Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
