Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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