two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i think i have two assholes
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
