You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
