Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
