new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
