Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
