Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
too bad you live with your parents still
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
