my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
