Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
