I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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