At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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