Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
