I puked a lego.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
