What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
