I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
