When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
