Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
where does the pee come out of this thing
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
