Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
